By Erin Attard
KAWARTHA LAKES-We experience and hear about isolation, about the increase of overdose and suicide deaths in every possible way; the news, social media, police blogs. What we don’t hear about is the collateral damage of these deaths. The parents, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles and loved ones left behind.
What do you do after the funeral, when the phone calls, cards, and casseroles stop coming? How do you deal with the quiet? How does one go on?
As a survivor of a suicide or overdose loss you have experienced a “trauma” loss.
A definition of a traumatic or sudden death loss is:
“An injury, something hurtful, the wounding of your spirit, emotions and beliefs about yourself and the world around you. Your will to live, your dignity, your sense of security and safety.” Dr. Allan Wolfelt
It’s a loss of such intensity that it could overwhelm any human being’s capacity to cope with the demands of life day to day.
This type of grief is different than grief associated with an anticipated death. Your mind and body must deal with the pain and sadness of the death, and because of the circumstances and shock your brain has an especially difficult time absorbing the circumstances surrounding the death. It is complicated grief. In addition to shock, numbness and denial you may experience; anxiety, fear, sadness, shame, anger and other explosive emotions sometimes even relief or release. Grief is physically demanding and cognitively affects concentration, focus and memory.
“We don’t heal in isolation but in community”. S. Kelley Harrell
We cannot stress enough the importance of reaching out to fellow survivors for support. As survivors we know not to judge each other, we share the same language, we can acknowledge any regrets and fears openly and without shame. We can tell our story and describe the death and know that we will not be blamed. We can mourn and grieve in ways not based on gossip or speculation.
As survivors we can find hope. We can learn to live again.
At Community Care City of Kawartha Lakes Hospice Services, we offer free monthly support groups; Healing After Suicide Loss and Healing After Overdose Loss. Both of these groups are open to join at any time.
You do not have to experience this journey alone or in isolation.
“Death ends a life, not a relationship.” Jack Lemmon
(705)324-7323 or TF (800)461-0327